“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33
We are at week 7 of the Baptist Ballers Fantasy Football league, the exact middle of our regular season. What better way to celebrate the middle than to call out all the middling, “we are what our record says we are” .500 teams first?
This year, in our first annual Middle-Bowl Cook-off, the cleverly named Team Garcia* (3-3) hopes his team (Brandon) Cooks up more points than Team-5’s (3-3) master-chef – Dalvin Cook…see what I did there…it only gets worse?
In spite of losing his best player with frozen feet, and the speedster Hill to injury, Brown and Out (3-3) has been surprisingly resilient. With Tyreek Hill back from injury, be on the look-out for Brown and Out to make a strong push from .500 to be one of the top teams in the league – the Final Standing Projections have him finishing 4th. And if you see him wearing his brown pants, it’s not because he’s scared of losing to Team Garcia this week…
Team Garcia* (3-3) weathered the loss of the highest priced player in our draft (Saquon Barkley - $121) and still managed to knock of the Big Bad Foot who just lost Alvin Kamara to a bad foot (high ankle) for the week. Unless the Foot can find some help off his bench to replace his star player, rookie manager Michael Rodriguez, with the super-creative name, Team Rodriguez* (6-0), may stay comfortably atop the rankings at 7-0.
Speaking of top rankings, AH SI (5-1) was heard crying, “Ah Nooooooo!” along with the rest of Cowboy nation when AHmari Cooper went down with an injury. The battle of undefeated teams last week dealt Ah Si with his first loss as the rookie Rodriguez prevailed. Ah Si hopes to get back on track this week against Team Obregon (2-4) who limped out of TNF with Fantasy Star Pat Mahomes’ injury. Obregon responded, “We’re going down to Dallas, and our guys are gonna be ready to play. And we’re gonna win that football game and when we do, we’re in first place in the NFC East.” When asked later if he was guaranteeing a win he responded, “Oh, I was just reading an article about the Cowboys…I didn’t know I was being interviewed. Get that camera out of my face!”
In the Pastor Bowl, the cup of Christian charity runs over so greatly that the Preacher’s Punishers (4-2)plan on prevailing while spotting Kerryon, My Wayward Son! (4-2) a D/ST score. Not to be outdone, Wayward Son! spotted the Punishers three more points as he played his third different kicker this year to post a negative score. Sanchez is currently battling accusations that he is using his position as League Manager for personal gain by asking Russian hackers to change the kick-scoring system mid-game. When confronted with the accusation, Sanchez responded, “The Fantasy Football economy is great, we’ve never had so many Fantasy Football Points - ever!”
The Bottom Bowl will be played this week as both Zeke Ye First (1-5) and I Draft Rookies (1-5) will each be searching for their second wins of the season. Both are praying that “all these things will be added unto you” (Matt. 6:33) includes wins. Gaona said of his record, “Look guys, this is fun and all, but I’ve really been taking these devotionals to heart. It has really helped me prioritize God and my family. The Lord gives and takes away, and still my heart will choose to say…” Julio didn’t finish his statement as his three year old daughter had just clogged the toilet.
Similarly, Team Vela (1-5) is hoping for a strong number two in his bout with the RGV Chili Dogs (2-4) – talking about wins guys, get your minds out of the toilet. In his pregame press-conference Vela stated, “The season hasn’t (Carson) Wentz the way we planned, but we are not going to get (Justin) Tuckered out. At least, unlike some other teams, our A. Brown is still on the field. This week, our Gurley men plan on holding the mustard from the Chili Dogs!” Curry responded, “Does he think we are just going to run and Hyde? I invited all my Cousins to watch the game. We bought Pringles and special Kupps to drink from. We have a really, really good Theilen about this game. Oh, sorry, I’ve just been informed that the Pringles didn’t show up. Maybe I can get in my Carr and get some next week.” (Told you it would get worse).
Until next week, keep reading your Bibles, Ballers.
*The Baptist Ballers Fantasy Football teams would like to apologize for the lack of creativity in team names this year. Who could foresee that five people of Hispanic descent would be unable to think of a name other than their own for their team? Furthermore, the teams that share a surname (Garcia’s we are talking to you) have caused huge problems for those following our league around the world. For the record, China has not asked us to fire these managers over their team names. To quote Adam Silver, "We wanted to make sure everyone understood we were supporting free expression." However, if China plans to stop tithing to FBCW because of these manager’s behavior, we will consider taking league action at our next Family Council Meeting (October 23, 6:15 pm).